Saturday, January 26, 2019

Day 6

It's been 6 days since we were given notice.
6 days of stress and overwhelm.
6 days of online searching.
6 days of notes of phone numbers and locations scribbled while commuting

6 days.

I keep uncovering slips of paper and things I thought I needed.

I am trying to plan for the dispersing of things I won't have room for.

Spontaneous Drastic Downsizing

Things I'm concerned I will not have room for:
Cloth and Sewing Machine
Art Making Stuff
J.'s Music Stuff 
Memento Stuff

I've joked for so long about 'going tiny'...
but it was always "tiny House, Big Land"

I guess the joke's on me.

Things I will Miss:
This neighborhood
Semi-rural, no sidewalks, chickens, horses...Hawks
"My" trees (you've seen them here many times)
The way the full moon shines trough my bedroom window 
Checking the outside temperature by feeling the bedroom wall
The window view from my shower
Wide streets and less people
Being able to see wide swaths of sky
Local grocery store that is never super busy and has lots of room to park
-We've known some of the checkers for years!-

and more

Things I am grateful for: 
We have no credit card debt 
I have a reliable car
I have a bit of emergency money to get us through the move
I have a job...with a paycheck!

 and more

Things to decide about:
Do I really need to keep a DVD player and a VCR to play all of the old family movies we never watch?

and so, so much more 

Scraps of Paper

Putting the notes here, clearing the clutter (does anyone remember that ideas drawer post from eons ago?)

My writing:
"In looking back, she realized that solutions had always come to her pre-decided, even if she thought it was the other way around and had thought of herself as strong and brave and thoughtful in her deciding"

This makes me laugh that this was the first scrap I grabbed.
It was written in the style of Brian Andreas, of storypeople.
I discovered him so many years ago and shared him with my mama.
We both loved his work.
I have one of his books, which I hope to keep, unless a friend would like it.

When my mama passed, many of her friends came over 
to choose books from her vast collection.  They wanted a piece of her.
These are the kind of folks I grew up with.

Anyways, I'm just moving, but I am letting go of lots!
Back to the salt mines...


Thursday, January 24, 2019


When you move...

ups and downs
trash and memories
your life in boxes

Can it be a 9 patch, like Jude likes to do?
The art of disappearing and reappearing
George Carlin

Drip, drip of excitement

Too much to do
Not enough time


Everything here is so expensive
19 years is along time to have not moved
So much has changed, so much has been collected

Today's phone call (to get info on a 2 bedroom in a 55 and up complex):

Um, well, I called (from my car) this AM when I got to work and the woman who answered asked me if I'd been called (no), where did I see it (online) which she told me, and I quote, "Clearly it is not available".
Oh. Clearly.
When I asked if there were any other 2 bedrooms, she replied "yes"...pause...
"How much" I asked, pulling out an upper eye tooth this time.
So I asked if there were any 1 bedrooms...
"There's a waiting list"...pause..."It's a year long"
Oh.  "Well I guess that won't hep with my 60 days.  Thank you."

↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓  ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓  ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓  ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓  ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓

I can see this is going to be some fun. 
Welcome to life, adventures abound.

So there you have it, day 3 is in the books.

If I continue to write here, please excuse me...
if I rant and ramble
repeat myself
leave holes in the story
post periodically in uneven gaps
Drip with sarcasm and dark humor

there are lists and phone numbers and things pack, give away, throw away, consider.
There is financial math and a great deal of planning to be done.

There are applications, which include fees and tours to schedule and take.
All of the above and more to be executed  before/after work/commute and on the weekends.

So thank you for bearing with me and listening and being my friends.

PS If you want any cloth or sewing things, I'm open!


Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Writing Prompt 2 - Cliche

Photographs by NAE ©2019

N. "Things aren't always as they appear"

J. "Whatever floats your boat"

N. "Row, row, row your boat"
(Yes, I am aware this is not a row boat, but I'm having some fun here!)

N. "Waiting for your ship to come in"
(Yes, I am aware this is not a ship, but I'm having some fun here!)


I wrote these around the time I did the last writing prompt of a yard with stuff.

I think I'll add:
N. "Up a creek without a paddle"

Let me explain.
I looked at the eclipse and went for a discovery walk, to see the water in the creek from recent rains.  I tried.  Really.

But the truth is, last year started and ended with a bang.
From eye surgery to family trauma, I was ready to say goodbye to 2018.

Now, less than a month in, I can see 2019 will be equally charming.
Need two new eye surgeries, which I'm told are a piece of cake compared to the last one.
You can read about it at the links below.

Today, just before leaving for the funeral of a well-loved elder in our family, someone I've known most of my life, someone almost 95 years old...
Today, our landlords gave us 60 days to vacate as they've sold the place.
We are blindsided and not prepared after 19 years here, to jump into the ridiculous search where everything in Sunny SoCal is financially out of reach.
Not to mention the clearing, cleaning, and packing while working full time 
and commuting 2 hours a day.

And, yes, I don't usually put all the nitty gritty here without trying to see an upside.
I'm not seeing an upside right now.

Perhaps I will soon.
But now I'm just overwhelmed with it all. 

Thanks for listening.

PS We've been full of what I consider gallows humor through the afternoon today and upon driving past the house from the last writing prompt, with all of it's belongings
(Now drenched, but drying after recent rains) in the front yard,
I told J. that maybe that place is for rent!  UGH.

Photographs by NAE ©2019

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Writing Prompt 1D

Photographs by NAE ©2019
She'd spent the past several years cleaning things out, using a variety of methods.
She'd asked "Is it beautiful, is it useful..."
She'd thanked each item for its service before passing it on.
She'd sold, donated and given things away.
She'd participated in online courses.
She'd bought and read books on clearing clutter.
She'd thought, talked and shared about it.
She'd sought help and offered suggestions to others.

But, there was still so much!
The books themselves became clutter.
Her health and possible impending blindness became the final straw.

If I can't or don't want to clean all this crap...
If the people who gave it to me are no longer in my life...
If the people who are in my life have no attachment...
If I can't even see these things...

And with those thoughts, she got up and put everything out for the trash pick-up.
And then she relished in the cleared, clean, and calm of space!

Writing Prompt 1C - Cliche

Photographs by NAE ©2019
"Everything but the kitchen sink"

Writing Prompt 1B

Photographs by NAE ©2019

Hours later she still sat in the middle of what was her front yard.  She was stunned, still damp and in a state of disbelief.  She had heard of global warming, but hadn't paid much attention.  After all, the only changes she had noticed were the bouts of extreme, long-lasting drought.  Yet here she sat, miles from the ocean, after the tsunami had passed through her home, turning it inside out.  Maybe I'd better pay better attention she thought.

Writing Prompt 1A

Photographs by NAE ©2019

 It was trash day.  He happened to be home again, but he had not put the trash curbside.
This was primarily because he was on the couch, passed out, drunk.  She went out onto the front porch slamming the door behind her.  He didn't so much as flinch. Quickly she darted around to the side of the house and pulled out first one, then the other trashcan.  Leaning on the trashcan, she sighed.  It seemed to her that the two cans could not possibly hold all the trash that had become her life.  As she headed back towards the house, she took a good look, with new eyes.  The paint was peeling and the wood trim appeared to be rotting.  What has become of my life she thought?  Stepping back inside through the front door, she stepped back in time and into the future at the same time.  I can't do this anymore she thought.  With that thought in the back of her mind, she began.  Her eyes scanned the room and discovered there were many things she didn't need, so she carried them out to the curb too.  With every reentry, something else jumped out at her as being old or broken or just plain dirty.  Each item seemed unusable.  Everything seemed just wrong.  Several hours later, everything from the house was in the yard, sort of near the curb.  Everything was out, even him, for he'd come to a few hours in, gotten really mad and stormed off down the block.  He was barefooted, as his shoes were somewhere in the yard and he didn't bother to look.  The sun began to set as she stood on the porch feeling the evening breeze kiss her cheeks.  For the first time in a long time, she felt free.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Writing Prompt 1

Writing Prompt 1
Photographs by NAE ©2019

I had fun reading Michelle's recent writing prompts,
so I thought I'd do my own here.
If you feel like playing along, you can leave your writing as a comment.
I'll do mine in a day or so as Writing Prompt 1A.

Let's have some fun, okay?!

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Thursday's Walk

Today I took my shoes off 
during my lunch break walk
Choosing to feel and experience from the 
ground up
The chill sidewalk touched my winter feet 
in ways not remembered
For I was once the girl of bared feet or moccasins with holes,
walking the city blocks, eating sunflower seeds from their shells
Living a freedom I could not articulate, 
but somehow knew

Now at almost 60 and many years in 
my feet tender and pale,
speak their age 
as they notice every texture change in the pavements,
every teeny leaf debris.
As they notice the damp of the grass at a driveway's edge
and the coolness of a dusty bit of earth
As every pressure to the ball and recovered broken toe 
is felt and recorded

My feet tell, but I wonder,
what has become of 
my young girl's heart?
What became of youthful freedom?

Photographs by NAE ©2019

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Lemon Pig

Late-ish on New Year's Day night,
I made a lemon pig

I had read about them here:
I had no lemon, no cloves and no aluminum foil either
So, I used an orange from my neighbor's overhanging tree, screws 
and a bit of chenille stem (pipe cleaner) instead.

Do you think it will still be lucky for me?

The next morning, J. reminded me that 2019 is the year of the pig!
How's that for serendipity fun?
You can read more and find your Chinese Zodiac Animal

EDIT UPDATE: The year of the PIG is MY birth-year!
Maybe that ups my chance for good luck!  haha

It felt nice to do something lighthearted.
Later, a blood moon came to the cloth.
Stitching and story to follow...

Until then, may your days hold a a bit of fun, a bit of softness and a bit of magic!

Photographs by NAE ©2019

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

A New Year ~ 2019

Marvin Gaye - What's Going On         


It is another New Year and I, like many,
have so many mixed feelings.
A new start versus Just going
Hope versus sameness
Plans versus attempting not to plan 
Dreams versus muddiness

Ya know, the usual.
It is kind of funny to me how we are so willing to step into the 'newness' of it,
with wishes, intentions and glimmers of some Divine Magic.
Then a few months, days or even hours in, we discover that 
we are we.

Change may come, but it comes slow and when it wants to.
Or when it is time.
Or whatever you believe.

And in the end, we carry on however we do.

 We heal.  We become ill or sad.  We become well again.
And so on.

Really, to expect anything different is just not reasonable.

So this year's beginning, I just plan to move forward 
and discover how that looks and feels.
No pressure, no big plans.

Recent sunset (not the turn of the year though)
2018 began with that quite unpleasant eye surgery.
Ugh!  What a memory!
I'm grateful to report that the eye remains well at this time.
2018 ended with with some equally unpleasant, 
rather traumatic family events.
In between, there was life.
Fun, mundane, exciting, plain
Deep, shallow,
regular and extra special.

Overall, I am glad for a new year though.
I feel like I always am ready to turn the calendar page. ☺

Doctor's office screen portal

Tomorrow is another commuting day.
I am still hanging in observation of the goings on of #somefolks as I drive.

I saw this last week or so and had to record it:

 "19 motionless motor homes
in less than 
5 city blocks

A few with trailers filled with: what looks like trash
One trailer with 
Christmas Lights

I ponder the use of limited energy on decorative lights

Today a few police and
other specific enforcement vechicles
A few trash trucks and
a port-a-potty on its trailer
...all pulled up next to a collection of these homes

These homes

I ponder what will I
see on my way home tonight?
What am I witnessing?"

Happy New year to the many, many, many #somefolks,
may their 2019 be better than bearable.
May their New Year hold it's own kind of magic.


Michelle in NYC shared this link with me.
You may like it too.


Winter feet
 So, here we go, off to another year.
A time of more and of gratitude for what with have.
A time to reach and a time to settle in.
A time to share and a time to receive.
A time to be.

The long view
May 2019 be for you as well.

Photographs by NAE ©2018/2019