Sunday, February 24, 2013

Motherless Child

 It looks like this outside...

It's bright, breezy and brilliant blue!  I'm trying to enjoy the view, as I continue to recuperate.   I visited the doctor once again for a new treatment plan.  Hopefully something will work soon.  I've not had asthma this bad in years.
I don't like it.

So, today there is a part of me that wants to whine and call out for my Mama.
Like today while having a breathing treatment (learn more here) and a painful steroid shot to my back-side, making me want a mommy to take care of me!
When I see mother & daughter pairs in the pharmacy, I wince in the knowledge that those days are long gone for me.
She and I can no longer take care of one another.
I miss that.
The last many days I've been thinking of her and missing her.
It is not a particular time related to an anniversary or a special occasion.

But, maybe it is because I've felt so lousy the last few weeks.  
Maybe it is because I've had Jude on my mind.  Her current journey brings back so many feelings for me from over 4 years ago when I spent time with my Mama as she passed on.
It was a surreal time.  A time I was so honored to spend with her.
Maybe it is the stories of loved ones gone told by the slow cloth sewers that brings up even more stories of my own.

Whatever this is all about, I woke with this refrain playing 
through my head and heart this morning.
It seems to fit.

Odetta Sings "Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child"

This amazing version is good for the soul.
As is the coming of Spring and blooms on a special rose bush.

The Mama Rose Bush February 2013

I'm ready for Winter to wind down and Spring to arrive.
I'm ready to feel as bright and beautiful as the recent weather!

Now I think I'll drink some Ginger Ale and rest :)

PS Here is another wonderful version...this one by Mahalia Jackson:
I know there are others too, but I'm stopping here.  Which version is your favorite?

Photos by NAE @pomegranatetrail ©2013


Ms. said...

DEaqr Nancy--I think we're sort of on the same page tonight--longing for Spring to break Winter's icy grip--and in your case, the grip this illness has on you--and your longing for 'Mama' is entirely resonant--When I was very ill in hospital some forty years ago, I longed--not so much for my own Mother so long gone--but for the 'Great Mother' of all, for that mothering thing that now I carry within me to minister to my needs when I am needy. I'm sending you that mother with all my heart.

Nancy said...

Michelle~ I gratefully accept that mothering from you! I am so very lucky to have you in my circle :) Thank you for your kindness and care.

deanna7trees said...

sending healing energy your way. spring is on its way and hopefully it will bring you good health.

Morna C-M said...

I feel that sadness too ... so much about mothers is complicated ... I'm so grateful I have a daughter ... on days when I am being old and decrepit and she takes care of me in sweet little way, I say that I am a Doddering Mother and she is a Mothering Daughter. I am so sorry you are having asthma attacks ... so scary when you can't breathe. I hope things will soon be better. xo

Nancy said...

Deanna~ Thanks...I'll take it!

Morna~ I love this..."Doddering Mother and she is a Mothering Daughter". I'm glad for you to have these moments with your daughter.

Suzanna said...

Hope you're feeling better soon Nancy...thank you so much for the music...

Mo Crow said...

beautiful song! perfect for this afternoon, spring is just 'round the corner for you & autumn is in the air here, hope you are feeling better Nancy, it's such a beautiful world we share.

Nancy said...

Suzanna~ Thank you...and you're welcome :)

Mo~ Yes, a beautiful song...and a beautiful world! Spring and Autumn are my favorites :)

Peggy said...

Nancy, the rose bush leafing out is a powerful image of connection and healing and strength. I'm so sorry that you haven't been feeling well, I didn't realize that it has continued. I'm thinking about you. I wish I could say something comforting about missing your mother.... xoxo

jenclair said...

I think about my mother almost everyday. Don't think we ever get over that feeling of one person who always wants to make things right for us.

The rose bush leafing out makes me smile.

Nancy said...

Peggy~ Yes, aren't those buds beautiful?!! Thank you, just knowing you understand helps :)

Jenclair~ Yes, the one person who loves us best of all! I'm glad to give you a rosebud smile :)

Leslie said...

I'm sorry to read that asthma is making you miserable, and understand your longing for some mothering. We're coming up on three years without our mother this spring. . . Ah, spring. I'll be glad to see it. Temperatures are supposed to near 60 here tomorrow, but tonight the rain and wind are whipping around my corner office, making me want to climb into bed just for the warmth.
Feel better.

Nancy said...

Leslie~ Asthma is no fun, for sure! Enjoy your easy temps!

Velma Bolyard said...

oh, i missed being over here for a bit and you're sick. i know asthma. and i am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

oh, I hope you're feeling better by now. You are having a bad go of it, so sorry. Hopefully bits of sun and spring will help with the healing of body & soul.
(love Odetta, glad to have watched this)

Nancy said...

Velma~ Thank you. Sorry you know asthma too! Ugh.

Cindy~ Yes, this has been a tough winter. The sun sure does feel good...come on Spring heal me right!!! Haha

wholly jeanne said...

And now I have found you here, in your beautiful blog. I hope you are feeling better by now. Coming off a week of a bad chest cold, I can scarce imagine living with asthma. You write of your Mother's passing and use the word "honor". It's the only word that will do when people ask me what it's like to be an end-of-life doula. I know you must ache for your mothers comforting touch and words. We never outgrow that, so we?

Nancy said...

Jeanne~ Welcome to pomegranate trail! So glad you're here :)
Are you an 'end of life doula'? I did not know that! Honor is the only way to explain...
And, no - we never do outgrow our Mamas!
Thank you for the kind comment.