Friday, March 30, 2018

Considering Control and Vision

Upon arriving home tonight,
I was greeted with a beautiful moon at the end of the driveway, 
sitting above the homes.

And then there was the thought of how I'd wanted to capture my neighbors orange tree, 
just before total dark.

So, I grabbed my camera and tried to photograph what my eyes see.

Flash off.  Flash on.

The moon photo is bright and blurry.
You can't see the dusk of it at all.
Just fuzzy.

The orange tree did not fair any better.
The (ugly) slump stone wall turned out bright!

This is not how it looks to me as I view it from my shower window each night.
There was no deep blue dusky feel to it, at all.
Back when I first moved in the 'wall' was a chain-link fence with bamboo covering it.
Honeysuckle (a favorite) vines tumbled over the top, bathing me in their sweet fragrance.
I called it my "Gilligan's Island Shower" back then.
Now I'm greeted with the sweet smell of orange blossoms and hanging fruit instead.

None of this shows.
It remains in my imagination only.
But, firmly so.

You look....
3-30-2018 ~ Moon

3-30-2018 ~ Orange Tree
In the end, I landed on the idea that sometimes you just don't have the control 
you would like to have to communicate the things you want to share.

Which led to, sometimes things don't need to be shared.
They can be held in your heart, just for you.

Which led to, sometimes you can just quietly be in the moment,
especially in our fast-paced, overly documented world.

Which, I of course documented.

Such is life. 

May you share what you like, hold some secrets in your heart
and embrace satisfaction, even if it doesn't all go as you
envision it will.

Photos by NAE ©2018


  1. I caught a similar shot of her at midnight last night in the elbow crook of a branch on one of our tortured city trees. No orange blossom but I will never forget the odor of it from long ago. Have a beautiful Saturday dear being. Here's 15 minutes of orchestral glory.

  2. While the rest of the song is grim, there is a lyric in the Indigo Girls song "Dead Man's Hill" that I hold close:

    "...Don't take a picture
    Remember this in your heart ..."

  3. (((Nancy Sage))) I needed to read your words and see these photos on this wild Blue Moon night after watching "The Disaster Artist" on iTunes, a brilliant movie about following your dreams and the making of one of the worst films ever made.

  4. This is so much how it is for me now.SO much

  5. Every time we moved, I felt the urge to document what I found on the land, photos galore. Slowly as I began to dye cloth with the gifts of the land, I realized that it was enough to be present in the moment of discovery, to just be quiet in the stillness, crouched down, touching the earth, feeling the wind, rays of sun, at one with the momentary experience...still there are times, when I want to immediately reach for my camera, write words down to speak story of what my eyes see, what I feel for fear that I will not remember and that is ok as well because sharing what moves us is how we connect. Honeysuckles and oranges, I smell each and remember my childhood, thanks Nancy.

  6. Michelle~ Thank you, I will check it out. Don't you love that we look at the same old moon, only one hour apart, a country apart! Amazing.

    Liz~ Fitting lyrics :) Thank you for the reminder of the Indigo Girls, haven't thought of them for years! But I remember loving this song: I'll have to listen to the one you quote :)

    Mo~ Of anyone I know...your dreams come to LIFE and are MAGIC!!! I am curious about the movie. Last night (well, very early this am) I dreamed of being lost at UCLA and walking, walking, walking...I woke up so tired!

    Grace~ Then I know. There is both frustration and a kind of acceptance. Even when I think I may be able to visualize your new land, I know it is with my NoCal knowledge and not your mind's eye. Sigh.

  7. Ahhh Nancy ... still have to wait a bit till the moon is at this side of the house .... but I will see her soon ! (not too many clouds)
    Have a good Easter weekend !

  8. Els~ My you enjoy your Moon view and your Easter weekend :)

  9. The moon gave good vibes

    Happy easter weekend sweetie

  10. And sometimes you create such a lovely description with your words that a photo isn't needed.
    (I didn't even try to take a picture, knowing I would fail, too, just stood there basking in the glow...)

  11. Hazel~ From your comment, I reflect on how I really do like to create with words. Had a friend years back that could really turn a phrase when songwriting with J....and then there is folks like Dylan who can turn simple words into magic. Yet, I've somehow gotten so attached to my camera, having fun trying to capture things I see or some I didn't even notice! Yet, Basking works wonders too :) xo

  12. oh Nancy, the stuff we feel and want to share, sometimes, always, yes it can be so difficult and I'm guessing that is why we keep on trying
    why we do what it is we do
    loving the idea of showering with orange blossom scent wafting into the shower. I love lots of scents: lavender always, lemon zest, hyacinths welcoming you into the room when Winter's still outside, Earl Grey tea freshly brewed, runny honey on toast with salted butter, rosemary and tarragon
    to name just a few

  13. Saskia~ It's a lot, isn't and the need to share it. You sensory list is pure delight! Thank you so much for putting that here :)

  14. we all live with the gap between vision and creation. It's just a big part of making stuff. I have found, however, that night time pictures are almost always disappointing.

  15. Marti~ Just found your words to publish...and you are so right...just being in the moment seems to be what matters more and more. Although I will add that I think blogging changes how you see or interact in the world. :) I'm grateful for you always being here.


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