Monday, January 16, 2017

The Next Post

This is the post you may want to skip.  It is grumpy.  But, I feel like if I don't get it out I will not be able to move forward.  So there you have it.

I saw this way back in December 2015 while on a work walk.  I was chatting with the work neighbor, looked down and saw it.  We grimaced about the name on it, saying he was everywhere.  Little did we know.  I wanted to hit this one outa the I'd like to hit it right off the planet.  I saved the pic thinking I would get to a post just right for it.  After the pic hanging around month after month, I imagined it would be a celebratory post.  Then I began to wonder mote and more and more.  I was continually wary, but had hope.
Then America voted.  Then everything that happened since the election contributed to a sense of hopelessness.  Not trying to be dramatic, just honest.
I have been looking for the light since November.  It is hard to find in the dark and gray.

I think the the election was just the icing on the cake of a very bad year in my world.

The Oak is gone!
Driving to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving where my brother-in-law will no longer be and my sister and nieces won't be either, this year anyway...I did a double take when I noticed the "The Tree in the Middle of the Road" (an Oak) was GONE!!!  My eyes welled up as I explained to J. that it had been there my Whole Life.  it was the symbol to say we were almost there.  It was the cause of amazement to a young child that we were actually driving Around the took precedence to a  mere us humans!  Even as a child that spoke to me.  Now you go around nothing, dirt and weeds in a cement grave.
I think J. thought I was loosing my mind..."You're crying about the tree?"  "But it has been there my Whole Life!!!" I tried to defend.  After arriving at my aunt's, I was validated when my cousin said, "The tree is gone!!!"  She got it.

New style bag
Even the procedures and pharmacy bags had changed!  What do you mean No Wristband upon check-in??  What happened to the pharmacy bag with the logo??  But, but, was the other way My Whole Life (or as far back as I can remember)!!

There was too much loss.
Too much change, pain, disequilibrium, worry...
Too much.
So, I tried to look for the positive...I looked at the births that happened and all babies & mothers doing well and the weddings/engagements celebrated - the places we visited and the family members who are doing well.  I continue  this positive seeking and healing.  I look forward to an upcoming wedding and more births.  Like Time, I march on.


And I look for a bit of luck too in a never before seen two pack of fortune cookies!

A little luck for 2017
May your year be good and fine and better & better.  May we survive the hard times and rise up in ways we never knew we could.  May we do the very best thing of just being together.  May we thrive within it all.

Photos by NAE @pomegranatetrail ©2017


Ms. said...

"You are open and honest when it comes to matters of the heart"
How true dear Nancy...I would have wept for the oak, and I too have seen one disappearance upon another this past year, and mourn the politics of the present and so we go on going on. What possible words of inspiration could I throw into the mix? Perhaps a reminder that we are not the present moment or the long past, that we are beings far vaster and more wonderful than our moments, the culture, or any story. Deep in that honest heart beats the pulse of an eternal reality as astounding as the endless possibilities of elements constantly combining, dissolving and recombining. Here's some Mary Oliver for your morning:

You can
die for it-
an idea,
or the world. People
have done so,
their small bodies be bound
to the stake,
an unforgettable
fury of light. But
this morning,
climbing the familiar hills
in the familiar
fabric of dawn, I thought
of China,
and India
and Europe, and I thought
how the sun
for everyone just
so joyfully
as it rises
under the lashes
of my own eyes, and I thought
I am so many!
What is my name?
What is the name
of the deep breath I would take
over and over
for all of us? Call it
whatever you want, it is
happiness, it is another one
of the ways to enter

Nancy said...

Michelle~ Thank you for coming here my friend and sharing your heart and your words and those of Mary Oliver. It means a lot and yes, we just keep on going, don't we?

Liz Ackert said...

In November I would have said my misery loves your company. But it seems we are choosing to be happy in this new year, however we can. And a large part of that is doing so in community with like-minded souls.

So here's to whatever it takes. For me (us actually) that will include participating in the March on ATX (Austin, Texas) this coming Saturday in solidarity with the women's march on Washington.


Nancy said...

Liz~ Hey. Hi. For me the election and the state of our country/world is a big part of it, but not all of it. There has been an abundance of other difficulties related to 2016. Glad it is over, trying to move forward more and more. Doing better at that.

Mo Crow said...

we are the grey warriors, witnessing with souls on deck, ready to mobilize when & where needed all around the world

handstories said...

I wish you could come join our singing group this session- it's songs of peace & protest, mostly protest so far. It's a candle in the middle of this winter. Blessings to you, Nancy.

Peggy said...

Nancy, I wish I had some magic words to take away the pain but I don't. I will say that the fortune seems perfect for you at this time and I love your closing sentiments. xx

Nancy said...

Mo~ Gray Warriors...

Hazel~ Oh me too! More than you know!! Blessings back.

Peggy~ Your wish is enough. Being here is enough.

jude said...

there is so much welled up in me this past year, I thank you for letting some of it out.

Nancy said...

Jude~ Thank you for this it makes my pain-filled whining feel useful. Love to you.

Saskia van Herwaarden said...

after the recent events I feel disillusioned, so I'm afraid I have little to offer that is cheerful or uplifting......except, within my cocoon of friends I am able to just keep going and make the most of the one life I have, as you too mention at the end of your post, may we thrive together

Nancy said...

Saskia~ Finding your cocoon helps I think. Also, what a difference a day makes!