Sunday, May 22, 2016


It has been a long while since I've posted here.
I've thought of many posts, even started a few drafts.

But, computer issues and the events so far in 2016 have made it a challenge. 
I don't even know if this post will work or if my words will make sense.
But, I'll try.

It has been a bit over one month since my brother-in-law passed away.
At the three week mark I started to really notice that we'd moved through the first weeks.
Three weeks.

When we first got the call just before 3:30 am on that fateful Thursday morning, we raced into the Valley, to the hospital, to find he'd passed.  We focused on the minutes.
The minute my sister was called.  The minute she'd called us.  
The minute he passed.
We zeroed in on that moment of time, not believing this could be happening.  
Wishing we could turn back the clock.
As the family and close friends gathered in the ICU area, those minutes painfully stretched into hours.  Three hours later, his surgeon arrived to learn the awful news for himself.  He too questioned and shed a tear.
All through the morning, the hours painfully stretched on.

The day came to a close and the next one moved along in slow motion.
Then it had been a day.  
24 hours had passed and he'd been gone for a day.
Then two and three.
We spent time together, mourning and doing what needed to be done.
On the third day, we joined together to celebrate his life, 
to remember and to miss him some more.
Soon, the days both drug by and disappeared 
amidst the tasks needing to be completed 
and the quiet moments of loss, It had been one week.
Then two and then three.

Time kept marching on, seemingly unaware of the fact that our breath had been held in grief, only to burst forth in tears.  Time marched on oblivious to the deep hole in our world.

Now with one month passed, I share these thoughts.
The thoughts that occurred to me as we counted the weeks.

5 days after he passed, a little girl entered the world.
A little girl was born and her arrival was noted to the minute.
She was immediately welcomed and loved by many. 
Her early minutes turned into hours and her age was soon counted by the day.
Then she became weeks old and soon enough a one month birthday.

Her life, wrapped in the love of family began, 
as his life wrapped in the love of his family had come to an end.

We travel our days connected to one another by our joys and our grief...
by our shared experiences and our love of one another.

We count the passing of that time, of our lives, in minutes, days,
weeks and months...and in years.

But we live in the moment.
May your moments be filled with contentment, lightened of pain,  
surrounded by love and bound by connection.

In friendship,

If you would like to read more, here are the related posts of my sister and of my niece

Photos by NAE @pomegranatetrail ©2016


Ms. said...
LIFE writ large in it's crucial moments felt and beautifully expressed.
For now - love to you and your whole family.
Maybe more later.
I am moved.

Liz Ackert said...

There is so much love and pain in your words ... and in those of your sister and niece. And truth, so much truth.

My heart hurts for you all and wishes for you the peace that can only come with time.

grace Forrest~Maestas said...

just love to you...there's really nothing else

Camilla Weiberg said...

Thank you in the moment is the best idea..never wish any of them away. So sorry for the emptiness he left and may it be filled with the good memories.

Nancy said...

Michelle~ Thank you, sent love is always appreciated.

Liz~ This is the truth we all live with. Thank you for your kind words.

Grace~ Yes, love. Thank you.

Cam~ There are many good family memories. Glad our lil gal came along to begin building moments with.

Deb said...

these tipping scales. too terrible and wonderful. so familiar.

Nancy said...

Yes Deb, exactly. I've been thinking of you.

Marti said...

Words written and shared of loss; words written and shared of a new member of the family... the balance of life and the connecting phrase, love and memories. Holding you and your family close Nancy, with love and understanding.

Nancy said...

Marti~ Thank you for that holding, it matters.

Anonymous said...

so glad you're back, even if it's to share the harsh things you've shared. Hope the second half of the year affords a little ease and joy.

Nancy said...

Thanks Dee, you unknowingly prompted me to finally get something posted. I too hope the rest of the year shines.

Saskia van Herwaarden said...

so sorry to read such sad news, love to you and those close to you, phew this is definitely the hardest part of our lives; you are in my thoughts and heart Nancy

Nancy said...

Saskia~ Thank you for your thoughts. It means a lot.

handstories said...

Oh, Nancy, such beautiful touching thoughts by you all. It's clear that deep hearts and a way with words is a gift your family shares. It's interesting how examining the minutes can help us to hold on. Love to you all.

Nancy said...

Hazel~ Thank you friend. Holding on is really all you can do.

Velma Bolyard said...

nancy, sending much caring

Nancy said...

Thanks Velma, you are much appreciated.

Els said...

So sorry for your loss Nancy.
All the best to you and family.

Nancy said...

Thank you Els for your thoughts and kind words.

Peggy said... have documented some of the minutes here for us, your friends, with this most beautiful writing. I remember the feeling of waking up from sleep hoping he didn't really die but every morning he still had died. It wouldn't stop. It takes a while before "the shift" occurs and it sounds like you are going through it. And the new girl, is she his granddaughter?
Love and more love to you and your family.

Nancy said...

Peggy~ Oh my dearest Peggy...My heart goes to you and the loss of your sweet boy. Sigh. Some things are just hard.
This new girl is my friends grandbaby...but his granddaughter will arrive in Aug. Light. Continuing.

MulticoloredPieces said...

Hi, Nancy. So sorry to hear of your loss. your post is beautiful and thoughtfully written. Having almost lost my husband, I can sympathize. I am thankful every day that he has survived. May you be granted strength and peace.
best, nadia

Nancy said...

Nadia~ Yes you understand, you've imagined. I'm so very glad to hear your husband is doing better. That daily gratitude is a keeper. xoNancy

yvette said...

sweetie...i wondered....had the plan to write you cause you were so long away. but then my mother went bad and
passed away fortunately when I was with her.

so writing you slipped my mind

wish you the quiet to see death and birth so grieve and grin


Nancy said...

Yvette~ Thank you for wondering. I'm so sorry about your loss of your dear mother. May we all heal well. Big love to you, xoNancy