Sunday, October 4, 2015

A Saturday Night - Sunday Morning Post

It has been a day of remembering.
Candle glowing, marking the 7th anniversary of my mama's passing.
So, although today is the day we light a candle.
My mom is with me always.  We talk about her a lot, J. and I.
We miss her.
I don't need to put pics of her or the candle here, I've already done that these past years.


Today, the feelings are more circular.
There's a lifespan thinking going on.

Today I remembered how 7 years ago my sister and I sat all morning, making the important phone calls of canceling her many credit cards.  Cards she'd had...some since the 1960's!
There was something significant in that.
The undoing of a life.
New friend at the Pow Wow

Take your place on The Great Mandala...
(Peter Yarrow)
I think of this as I've traveled around this week reading at Grace's, where The Old Cowboy has just had his last goodbye and over to Julie's where not too long ago she moved to a new phase in her life, saying goodbye to her children's childhoods (in a way) - through their displayed photographs, and to Dee's and Saskia's - both of whom share college bound boys...and dear Cindy, who has two growing up and away boys herself.  I think of this life shift as I spend time at Jude's ever-evolving space as she reinvents, talks about what to keep, what to part with or layers cloths into less-ness (in a way).

Today is also the birthday of my 5th kid.  Not my child by birth, nor a blood-family member or classroom child...but instead the child of one of my oldest, closest, dearest friends.  A child who grew up with my own.  You know the kind.  A family friend.  A bonus child.
Today she is a beautiful, funny, intelligent young woman beginning to make her way in the world, make her mark on the world.  She is filled with passion and justice and enthusiasm.
She is the kind of gal that gives you hope for the next generation.
Her grandma's Yahrzeit passed in summer and her birthday in September.  
She would have been 90.

Fry Bread

Will the circle be unbroken...
 Ada R. Habershon  
Tomorrow is the birthday of my newest daughter, my son's new wife.
I don't really like the term 'daughter-in-law' sounds like you are forced to accept this person by the actions of your loved one.  I am honored to welcome her into my life, so no 'in-law' for me!  She too is a gorgeous, passionate, spirited and fun-loving young woman. Traits I admire.  Traits I wish I'd held a bit more myself when I was young.

I think of them, mid-twenties, just thirty...moving thirty.
My mama, living 80 long years.  My friend's mama, close to 90.
And Old Cowboy...

I celebrate the days of birth of these loved ones.
I watch my work babies grow before my eyes, three turning two with six weeks.
Families in the throws of daily, busy family life.

And I celebrate my friends in the throws of letting go, of stuff...of particular obligations or old habits...of ways that no longer work.

There are so many ways to do this thing called life.

Basket with beads

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game...

(Joni Mitchell)

I, in my own place of grown children, stuff lightening, birthdays & anniversaries, 
sharing, considering...
and circling, have spent many months thoughtfully pairing down material belongings, both personal and professional.  I've shared things with friends, who also teach.  I've sold or donated things.  I've recycled and thrown out some things too.

My most recent sharing involved me going out on a limb...
stepping out of my comfort zone a bit...taking a risk. 
After communicating with the Director/Teacher of Takoma Park Cooperative Nursery School on Face Book, I decided to share a few items with her and the children, staff and families of the the school.  Not knowing her at all, except for a few FB comments, I bravely sent her a care package.  I was deeply touched by the reception I and the goodies received.  
I was especially pleased to be able to pass on what may be just 'stuff'...but what to me is the torch, traditions and my passion for teaching, cloth, feathers, children's books...and connections!  You can read about it here.

I had to stop reading a couple of times to wipe my eyes.
There is something magical about this time in ones life.

*Afternote: All of this deep thinking, pondering, reflecting and such happens wrapped in daily life (for me anyway).  That life includes our yearly...highly anticipated by me, local Pow Wow.  I usually start announcing in June that it is "almost Pow Wow time".  Being that it happens the third week of September, you can see how I look forward to it!  J. pretty much thinks I'm nuts.  For lack of any photos to pair with the powerful feelings I've been having, I paired my words with Pow Wow instead!  Such is life :)

Photos by NAE @pomegranatetrail ©2015


Liz Ackert said...

This post resonates in so many ways, but two in particular:

Families by blood and families by choice ... it is the choosing and naming of relationships that makes them so potent and so lasting.

And stuff ... how good it feels both to gather it together and then to give it away.

Yes, I like this post very, very much.

Dana said...

Oh Nancy, what a moving post! Looking back is so bittersweet, but it provides the fuel we need to move into the future. You are lucky to have so many connections and family in so many forms. Or maybe luck has nothing to do with it.

Debbie said...

A lovely post which I think will resonate with many, I felt deeply moved reading it.

Marti said...

Love and memories wrap around us and let us give from the heart. My dearly loved Dad used to say, "open your arms, see what comes..." Nancy,you are wrapped with generosity, awareness and spirit and that is so evident in all that you do and share and give. The deep quiet joy that is here is a gift to us all.

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear Nancy, you are such an open heart of a soul. Thank you for sharing all of this…it gives a worried, anxious, holding-on-too-tight-mama hope. ox

Nancy said...

Liz~ Thank you. You're right, the collecting DID feel good at the time...and now the letting go feels good too. We can surely embrace so many as 'family' if our hearts are open.

Dana~ Looking back is indeed bittersweet...looking forward id fine too :) I count my blessings, my friends here among them.

Debbie~ Thank you for letting me know. It does seem that many of us are moving through similar days.

Marti~ And you dear Marti are wrapped in the gift of verbal expression! Your sharing your words is always such a gift to me.

Cindy~ As do you. This is how we keep going, by sharing stories. (((hugs))) to you.

Peggy said...

Nancy. About a week ago for some strange reason, I listened to The Circle Game. Looking back while going forward. You've put your feelings into words so beautifully once again -- about your mom, your daughters, your work babies.

If I'm quiet, I can trance myself into being at a Pow Wow, the singing, the drumming, the dancing. It's been much too long. xo

Ms. said...

My silence after your sharing is profound.

In this way you have made a Pow Wow for us. It must feel good I think to pull all that together, and to give it away in this post, this Potlatch...."Sustaining the customs and culture of your ancestors" like all indigenous people. We are your 'virtual' and very real tribe.

Anonymous said...

(((Nancy))) your love radiates from coast to coast and how much I receive!!!

Nancy said...

Peggy~ Pow Wow's are good for the soul, well at leas for mine :) Seems like these days it is all backwards-forwards-current.

Michelle~ A new word for me. Thank you. I am so honored to consider you tribe my friend.

Dee~ Right back at ya! That love just circles around, doesn't it?!

Camilla Weiberg said...

So good to read you Nancy. Thank you for the tribute to our girl, the memories of the moms and your you.

Nancy said...

Cam~ you are on the trail! No thanks needed, it's the story of us :) Our girl sure rocks, eh? (((hugs)))

yvette said...

Nancy....had to wipe my eyes by reading your post!

thank you


Nancy said...

Yvette~ Oh. You are such a sweetheart. You're welcome. I'm glad you are here, traveling with me. xo