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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Now and Then and Back Again

Where have I been?  Here, but in my mind - floating between now and then.
This is probably not the best night to write and share.
I'm tired and fairly grumpy.
People.  Finances. Lack of time.  A big question.

If I haven't stopped by your place lately.  I do want to, I just don't seem to get there.
I spend time trying to sell stuff, without a lot of luck.  I look at pretty or funny, but not things I have to really focus on.  I've been chatting online with an old friend and some family.  That's nice.  I drive and I work.
Then I start again.

I've been listening to John Denver in the car.  It takes me away to a time when I was young and had my whole life in front of me and it was sure to be filled with promise and dreams come true (right).
When this song came on the other day, I had to laugh when he sings, "it turns me on to think of growing old".  How 'old' could he have been?  Twelve?  But, what is funny, is that when I first heard that line as a teen, I knew it in my bones...I felt the same way.
Why did I want to be a grown up so much?

Sigh

So, this attempt in putting it all down here, may read like a possessed pendulum!  Some times are like that.

Oh and for some reason, I can't access my Picasa account, for days and days now.  So let's see how successful I am with photos here.

And if you're here, thanks.  I will be by your place soon!
    

If you are like me, and some folks I know...if you have ever had the run-away-from-it-all dream...come Wander With Me ~ these two are doing just that, with gorgeous photographs and no bugs!!

2 geodes

The geode on the left has been mine since my teens.  The snow and lake of it symbolizes my John Denver years, my youth...my wishes and dreams.  Rocky Mountain High, I Guess He'd Rather be in Colorado  or something like that.  The one on the right was a gift to us from the boy and the girl.  Isn't it beautiful?  What does it look like to you?  I see space.  I see light.  I see a sense of freedom, of letting go.  I joke that there will be room in the tiny house for these!

sign
As I was going through those old magazines that I mentioned a while back, I saw an ad that held this symbol.  So the quiet circle on the comfort cloth morphed into this.  It's still quiet, but it is a little bit more too.  And yes, I did inadvertently use two different colored threads here.  It is a very subtle difference, one which I could not see in the light of my car while stitching.  I decided it was fine as is and I left it.  Something very nice about doing (or not undoing) that.

X on the cloth

X on the weave
 I decided to add a couple of red threads when I found this one while doing the laundry.  As the bathroom towels become smaller, I discover a new use for those loose threads!

Towel Thread
I may add more.  We'll see.

I passed this book along to a young family recently.  Mom is part Choctaw.  So is my guy.
This book sat here long enough to be too young for the grandsons!
While reading through it one last time, my eyes rest for a long time on this woven ball.  Isn't it beautiful?


 Every morning, before heading out, I stop for a hug and a long look at my trees.  You've met them many times before.  These are the trees on the other side of my neighbor's property line.  I love them.  They are tall, old, stately, beautiful, rugged...

Hawk vs Crows
They provide me with deep solace and great wonder.  When birds perch at the very top, they for some reason look larger than they truly are.  It is some odd optical illusion.
We are forever exclaiming in delight that there is some Giant Bird in the tree and running in to grab the binoculars and the camera!  Usually it is a hawk or a crow or something we've concluded is a large partridge type bird.
On this day it was a hawk with two crows harassing him (why do I associate hawks as males?).  It is amazing to watch them, doing what they do.

'My Waterfall'
So, to make this a round trip, I will close with a recent picture of my waterfall.  I know it is not a natural waterfall, but part of the man made LA Aquaduct.  I may have mentioned this story in the past, as a child at camp, we would hike to this 'waterfall'.  I thought it was amazing to be hiking so far from camp out in the wilderness.  Little did I know.  I still look at that waterfall with a forever fondness.  This day I am perplexed by the amount of water coming down during this huge drought we're having.  I wonder what landscape we are robbing.  What does it look like there?
Sigh

That's all I've got for tonight folks.  Tomorrow morning I will again, be on the road...sewing basket on the front seat and dreaming and composing on my mind.
May you all have a week filled with goodness....
~Nancy

15 comments:

yvette said...

Familiar feelings in the first words you write but i don't know if you noticed you end almost cheerfull

Ms. said...

Ah Nancy, Yvette is so right--you always end with goodness--a reason to bear up with all the rest...and the wander was just lovely--and what can we do but see what is wonderful and sustains us through all the rough stuff. You are so dear. I love the loose towel thread note...I too save those bits of thread...and though the world eats all of us alive, we are not devoured entirely until we're done (and maybe not even then 'cause spirit goes on making waves long after the spirit's doer passes! That's the bestest miracle.

Nancy said...

Yvette~ Yes, I hadn't noticed that. I guess I did end on a sweet note and a fond memory.

Michelle~ There is a lot to bear up with some days. I guess a part of me really does try to see the goodness through it all. You are so appreciated here at the trail. I am grateful for your friendship as we travel along.

Peggy said...

You write in a streaming way, Nancy, that I never take as negative. This post made me have questions...do you live in the same area that you grew up in?...and answers...that he is part Native American because I know you make medicine bags and go to pow-wows, etc. and have wondered how you were connected to that. One of my daughters-in-law is mostly Navajo so she is my connection -- my future grandchildren will be dancing at pow-wows someday, as their mother once did. xoxo

jude said...

well this was swell, all this, i felt cheered...

Nancy said...

Peggy~ So interesting to me how you say this, the things you've been wondering. I'm not sure what I've wondered about my online friends...maybe just about family stuff. I do live near where I grew up.

Jude~ Funny how it read as more positive than how I felt at the time...maybe all this focus on being more positive is working!

deemallon said...

This could be four or five posts - so much here! I see a coconut full of milk in the geode - or a map of the universe. Mismatched threads? Do it all the time! No self-talk even necessary.

But mostly I hear a lament about time and its passing and growing older and away from youth... how could one NOT be sad about this or have some cranky reflections? The drought alone could have brought on a rant, I think. So, keep it coming. You have an audience.

Saskia van Herwaarden said...

another audience member signing in....

yes I get the up-and-down feelings that run through this post, but also I'm amazed at how well you're able to put these feelings into words and we can read and share, which is basically what we need to do.....so keep on writing and I'll keep on reading

hopefully all this helps to get us through the (many) nights and days ahead of us

Els said...

Always love to read your posts Nancy,
whether you write every day or once a month ;-)

Well the fun part of growing old is, there is still all this young self inside ...

Ha, I like how the bath towel threads that come loose are connecting other things again ;-)

Have a good weekend Nancy

handstories said...

I like your x's very much…and your processing…and John Denver.

Nancy said...

Dee~ Ooh...coconut milk?! I talk down my perfectionism all the time. I'm not really sad, sad, as I am enjoying certain aspects of the aging process. Maybe bittersweet.

Saskia~ I love that you are always here, talking with me. It means so much to me. We help each other, we do.

Els~ Yes, like the essay "Eleven"...all of our selves tucked into one package.

Cindy~ Great minds think alike -my mama said. Maybe I'll tuck some O's in there too.

Liz Ackert said...

I have been away ... literally ... and was so delighted to see your quiet circle change into the New Mexico sun symbol (Zia)

Nancy said...

Liz~ Hey, hi. Well thank you for putting the name of the symbol here for me. My daughter is in NM, so I guess it morphed for a reason :) Glad you've stopped by pomegranate trail after your return.

Liz Ackert said...

Nancy - Hope this latest comment finds you on the upswing ...
We fell in love with NM ... the colors are beyond beautiful, a very special place. Lucky you to have a wonderful excuse to visit there.
As for John Denver, your post took me back to some great memories of his music. We still read his story about Alfie with our kids and grandkids on Christmas Eve.

Nancy said...

Here it is, thanks Liz :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt_9ZzMmrtE